Getting Beautiful in Your Sleep

I am writing this for time-crunched moms and others who want to stay beautiful as they grow up (oops! I mean grow older). One thing that works for me is to take a little extra time at bedtime to set myself up for the next day. Your mom probably told you to clean your kitchen and lay out your clothes before you go to bed. Here are some more things you can do at night so you can wake up the next morning feeling all prettified:

Put olive oil around your eyes. EVOO (extra-virgin olive oil) is the bomb when it comes to moisturizing. I put it on my eye area after I get out of the shower at night. After it sinks in, I add my night cream. Your eyes will look less puffy and the fine lines will almost disappear over time.

Smear Vick's Vapor Rub all over your feet, then put some old socks on. When you wake up, all those dry, flaky lines all over you heels will be gone, and soft, moist skin will be there instead. An added bonus is, if you wear high heels all day and tend to limp a little when you wake up, the soothing action of the vapor rub will eliminate that morning limp. Rub the rest into your hands and sleep with gloves or socks over your hands if you can stand them.

Sleep on your back. This is good for your posture, and also it helps counter the effects of gravity pulling down on your face all day. And speaking of the effects of gravity . . . .

Wear a sports bra to bed. You really should not go around without a bra at all, lest gravity pull too much on your precious twins. I learned this tip on a stripper website, and I find that it really works. My breasts are on the small side, but I notice a definite lift in about a week or so. And while we are at it . . .

Sleep in your workout clothes. The Army taught me this one. It is so much easier to get up and work out when you are already dressed for it. And, by not dirtying PJ's AND exercise clothes, you will save on laundry, too.

Protect your hair. Hair, especially long hair, tends to get tangled in your sleep. It also gets smushed around and bent at bizarre angles, flattened and mashed. Avoid all these issues and wake up with hair that is clean, soft, and decent enough to leave the house. I personally prefer to sleep in a snood, because it keeps my curls in place while my hair dries. If I arrange my hair correctly when I put it on, I will have almost nothing to do to it the next day. Other options are a satin night cap (keeps hair clean and protects it from breakage), or a scarf to wrap and tie, to protect your style for the next day. Many women with longish hair shampoo at night, apply leave-in conditioner or aloe-vera gel, and then braid their hair, tying it off with non-breakage bands. Which ever option you choose, the main points are to keep hair protected from tangles and breakage, to keep the ends moist and conditioned by protecting them from the air, and to keep the hair clean and/or preserve the style for the next day. You want to wake up, take off your head covering, and go.

Use a clean pillow case. Seriously. I change mine every couple if days, flipping the pillow on the other days. Satin cases are said to be the best, both for being gentle on your hair and for not contributing to wrinkles when you have your face smashed up against the pillow. I don't have satin ones, just plain old cotton, but whatever they are made of, pillow cases absorb oil from your skin and hair, harbor mites, and collect dust. Changing them frequently is a good, easy way to help keep your hair and skin clean at night.

Do a mask. Remember those old TV shows where the Mom always went to bed with a gross green paste smeared all over her face? I have found out what that stuff is, and there is a good reason so many women used it, it became a cliche. The modern version of this mystical green glop is Queene Helene Mint Julip Mask .This stuff is best! You can use it as directed, allowing the mask to sit on your skin for a mere 15 minutes. Better yet, smear it on at bed time and let it work its magic all night long. In the morning, you will wake up with firm, glowing skin. Any acne issues you had will be dramatically reduced, blackheads will disappear, and pores will be magically refined.

You will notice that most of these suggestions cost little or nothing, and none of them take more than a few minutes to do. I promise you, if you get in the habit of taking care of yourself at night, you will wake up in the morning with a running start to your day.

The big lie--CaloriesDO count!

There is a big, big secret the diet people don't want you to know. They don't what you to know that the only way to loose weight is to burn off more calories than you absorb.

Everything you read about diets is simply a way to disguise that fact. Diets that want you to limit you intake of carbohydrates to ridiculously low levels are really trying to force a change in your metabolism that will make it harder for your body to use and store the food you eat. Diets that talk about balancing food groups in a complicated manner are attempting to displace calorie-dense foods (high in fats and processed sugars) with lower-calorie vegetables and lean proteins. High-fiber diets are trying to get you to fill up on fiber, which your body can't use or store, so you don't eat a lot of higher calorie foods.

But the long ans short of it is this: Of every meal you eat, you will be able to absorb a certain percentage of it. The rest, for whatever reason, will pass though your intestines and out of your body. Of that percentage of food absorbed, part or all of it will be used to maintain your body, and part of it will be used to power your muscles and brain and you go through your day. IF you absorb more than you need, the sugars (from fruit, vegetables, grains, and some dairy products, as well as sweets and snacks) and fats that you ate will get stored as fat, and the excess amino acids (from protein sources like meat, eggs, and so on) will be processed out of the body by the kidneys. If you absorb less than you need, your body will start converting fatty tissue, and to a lesser extent muscle, into glucose, which is the form of sugar used by the cells. Therefore, if you absorb more energy than you can use, you will store it as fat. Eat less, and that stored fat has to get used up to power the body.

(High-protein diets attempt to short-cut this process by only giving the body amino acids, which are very hard to convert into glucose, thus forcing the body to look into its fat stores sooner. This only works until the body catches on and starts getting good at making protein into glucose, which makes the whole high-protein thing pointless. It's also super-hard on the kidneys and by definition contains a lot of saturated fats, which is why I don't recommend it.)

The thing that helped me more than anything else, hands down, was to start keeping a food diary and counting calories. I resisted this for years, and then I could never understand why I could never loose weight. The food diary was a revelation. Some days I was amazed by how much I had eaten, and then some times I was horrified by how few calories I had consumed.

Now that you know which are the healthy foods to eat and which to avoid, the next thing is to find out how many calories you need and how many calories your food is providing.

Shop like you mean it--how to shop for health and beauty

It is impossible to prepare healthy meals if you don't have the ingredients. When you go to the grocery store, the best things to buy are lean proteins, whole grains, fruits and veggies. Chips, sodas, crackers, cookies, and so on are not only fattening, they also are a colossal waste of money. Make a commitment that all your food dollars and food prep time will go into making the best healthiest meals you can, for yourself and/or your family.

There is a lot to know about nutrition, and it can be as complicated as you want to make it. "Diet Gurus" complicate the subject needlessly so they can sell us books. What they all tell you is to eat fruit, vegetables, lean protein, grain, healthy fats, and a small amount of "discretionary calories" which is the stuff you wish you could eat all the time.

Here are the basics. This is what you absolutely, positively need to know when you are standing in Safeway and need to make a decision about what to buy.

Lean proteins: Lean cuts of beef, skinless chicken and turkey (if you eat meat), fish, tofu, tempeh, soy or veggie burgers, low-fat cheese or soy cheese, eggs, beans, whey or soy protein powder. When you buy these things, look carefully at them. You want your meat to look like meat--healthy and red, not a lot of fat on it. Avoid ground meat, sausage, cold cuts or anything else that disguises the texture of the meat. These are frequently an excuse for manufactures to hide fatty organ meats and other high-fat parts, and sell them to you. Ground turkey can have more fat than lean roast beef!

When you buy Veggie burgers or other meat-substitutes, you want them to have less than bout 30% or 1/3 of their calories from fat. Look at the nutrition label on the package. Compare the total calories to the amount of calories from fat. You want the calories from fat to be abut 1/3 of the total, or less. Here is a link to a picture of a label, if you want to see one.



When you buy cheese, make sure it is reduced-fat or part-skim. You want the calories to be about 70-80 calories per ounce, as opposed to 100 or more calories per ounce for regular cheese. Make sure to get real cheese, shredded or in blocks, and not "processed cheese food" in the single serving wrapped slices. The ingredients should say "Milk (of some kind) rennet, culture, and salt," and not much more. I prefer not to eat cheese that contains any sort of hormone or which is produced from milk of cows who have been fed antibiotics. However, the FDA insists that these products are safe. Follow your gut on this one.

Beans are a fun and easy way to substitute a low-fat protein for a fattier one. You can make vegetarian chili, for example, or a stir-fry with edamame (soy) beans. If you have never cooked with beans before, start with canned beans. Kidney and black beans are particularly easy to use. Also check out vegetarian or low-fat refried beans and baked beans. I'll be posting a lot of my favorite recipes in the future. In the meantime, you can Google "bean recipes" and "beans substitute for meat" and see what you get.

Eggs are an easy way to make a meal. They are reasonably low in calories and extremely versatile. I like the cage-free, non-hormone, vegetarian-fed versions myself. They really do taste better.

If you know how to cook with tofu, go for it. Remember not to use a lot of oil in the process. If you don't know, I'll teach you later. It is really really easy, and the beauty of tofu is, it jsut takes up the taste of wherever is around it.

The last thing I will mention is protein powder. These are great when used in moderation. You can add them to a smoothie or even just a glass of milk if you are in a rush. When you buy them, make sure to get one that is mostly lean protein, not a lot of fat and sugar.

Whole Grains: This is one of the easiest things to substitute. Buy 100% whole grain bread (not wheat bread or whole wheat, make sure it says 100% whole grain), muffins, bagels, cereal, etc. Buy brown rice instead of white. Stove Top makes an instant one that takes only 10 minutes. Buy whole-wheat or whole-wheat blend pasta. Avoid anything that says "enriched flour, unbleached flour, or wheat flour in the ingredient list." Lots of cookies, cereals, even pop-tarts come in whole-grain versions now. Even if they are not 100% whole grain, they are a significant improvement over the original versions. Cereals and breads can vary a lot in calorie counts ans serving sizes. Look for cereals that have about 100 calories a cup. Watch out for servings sizes. Some cereal labels will tell you an absurdly small serving size so that it will look like they have fewer calories. Breads should have less than 75 calories per ounce.

Fruits and vegetables: A debate continues about whether fresh or frozen produce is actually better for you. On the fresh side, it's well, fresh, as in crispy, flavorful, and firm. On the frozen side, they pick the fruit and veggies when they are at their very best, and then freeze the produce almost as soon as it is picked. This avoids any possible nutrient loss during shipping and storing. Personally, I buy a lot of fresh veggies because they are pretty and yummy, and I also but a lot of frozen veggies because they are already cleaned and chopped up, and so extremely easy to toss in a recipe when I am in a hurry. They also last for months, so I can always have some on hand.

Canning really does reduce the nutrients in vegetables because of the high heat they use to sterilize the cans. It also gives you veggies that are weird and mushy, and contain a ton of salt. I recommend canned beans and tomatoes for convenience, but that's about all.

As far as fruit juices go, avoid them. They are mostly just the sugar from the fruit, without the fiber and other healthy parts. For my money, I would rather eat my calories than drink them.

The FDA and other government agencies recommend a diet rich in fruits and veggies. They say you should get at least 5 servings a day. A serving is usually a whole piece of fruit or a vegetable, (like a carrot or apple) half a cup of cut-up fruit or berries, or a whole cup of vegetables. There are some exceptions, but for now, that is a good rule of thumb. For dieting purposes, consider potatoes, squash, corn, and root vegetables such as rutabagas and turnips as a bread, not a vegetable.

Fats and oils: You will need to use some. Extra-virgin, cold-pressed olive oil is generally considered the best to have, but it is a tad bit expensive. Go ahead and spring for it, because you can also use it in various beauty treatments. For cooking, you need cooking spray. If you get the olive oil kind, it will be handy in making roasted vegetables. Substitute butter or margarine with a butter spray like "I can't believe it's not butter." Avoid trans fats and their parent, hydrogenated oils, at all costs, and use unsaturated fats (like olive oil, generally from a vegetable source) instead of saturated fats (from animal sources) whenever you can.

Nuts and nut butters, used in moderation, are a nice blend of protein and healthy fats.

Dairy Products: Always get the low-fat versions. You may want to try some that are completely fat-free, but be sure to read the labels. Frequently, manufactures replace the fat with sugar, which is no better for you, but helps sell product. I prefer that my dairy not come from cows that were treated with antibiotics or hormones, but that's just me.

At first, it may seem like it is somewhat expensive to eat this way. But if you also eliminate all the pop, cookies, snacks, and empty-calorie junk you you have been blowing your money on, it should all work out.

Let's begin at the begining . . . a very good place to start

I have been thinking quite a bit about where to begin. If I were taking a friend and totally remaking her, I would start with these things: If she could afford it, I would take her to the salon and get her brows and nails done, because these are fast and inexpensive, and they make you feel terrific. I would give her a good pep talk about posture and tell her to start doing something active--anything, really-- every day. And then we would talk about diet.

I have been dieting since I was in junior high. (Disclaimer: Please DO NOT put your adolescent daughters on a diet just because I said I dieted that young. It is probably the reason I have a hard time maintaining my weight today, and most definitely the reason I have mad issues with my body image. If you think you girl needs a diet, ask your pediatrician. And please take care not to project your own body issues onto your daughters. Teach them to eat healthy instead.) I have read lots and lots of terrific and junky books on the subject. Dieting philosophies change over the years as science advances and we know more about the biochemistry of how food is used in the body. Right now, I have in my home, The Zone Diet, The South Beach Diet, The Fat-Flush Diet, The Body Sculpting Bible for Women, How to Eat Like a Hot Chick, The Acne Prescription by Nicholas Perricone, M.D., Eating for a Healthy Skin, and my college nutrition text. While all these diets vary in their basic philosophy and approach, they all have a lot in common.

Please do not confuse yourself by reading a lot of diet books at the beginning. If you are over weight or eating a poor diet, any change you make will be an improvement. If you are worried about your weight, understand that it is enough at first just to reduce the amount of calories you consume. If you are a comfortable weight but want to look healthier, more vibrant, prettier or sexier, improving the quality of what you eat will go a long way.

Now, here is what all the diet books will tell you (except that Atkins nonsense. That is a whole other story) .

Drink water or some other non-calorie, non-caffeinated liquid, at least 8 cups (64 ounces) a day. This is not that hard to do. If you have a 16 ounce glass of water at each meal, that is 6 cups right there. Add another glass at bedtime or when you wake up, and you are all done. This helps you in a few ways: it keeps you hydrated, which makes your skin look prettier and dewier; if you drink the water with our meal, it helps keep you feeling full; water helps improve metabolism, which helps you burn off fat faster; and it will displace sugary sodas, milk, fruit juices, and so on. For more reasons to drink water, see this article by Trent at The Simple Dollar.

Eat a balance of fruits, vegetables, whole grains, healthy fats, and lean proteins. Except for the concept of "whole grains," this concept has been around since the 1970's, probably longer. Remember "3 square meals"? Only the proportions have changed. For a more detailed explanation of what you should be looking for in each of these categories, see this post.

How do you balance your diet? The easiest way is this: Picture a dinner plate. Now imagine yourself filling that plate before a meal. Put some nice veggies and maybe a piece of fruit on first. The fruit and veggies should fill at least half your plate. Now of the remaining half, divide that equally. Put a piece of lean protein on one quarter of your plate. This protein should not be much bigger than a deck of cards. On the remaining quarter, you can put some bread, rice, a potato, some squash, or some whole-grain pasta. Now you can drizzle some olive oil over your veggies or pasta, or you can have a salad with a vinegar-and-oil dressing, or you can add a handful of nuts for dessert or smear a tiny bit of nut butter on your bread. Ta-da! All those veggies should fill you up, and if they don't you can also have a salad on the side or seconds on the veggies.

Easy cheesy!

The more a food looks like it did when it was growing, the better it is for you. When the Breyer's Ice Cream people made that ad with the kid attempting to read all the long chemical names of ingredients on an ice-cream carton, they were onto something. We know intuitively that food should be mostly natural. While the raw foods enthusiasts take that to an extreme, they do have a very good point. Try this simple test. If you cannot look at a food and see what it looked like alive, you should be suspicious of it and think twice before you put it in your mouth. If the food has been processed (like ice cream or a soy burger) check the ingredients. If you can't recognize the source of the food by looking at it, and if you also don't recognize or can't pronounce some of the ingredients, or if the ingredient list says "processed" anything, really avoid it. And if you pick up a package and it says "hydrogenized" or "Hydrogenated" anything, drop it like it's hot. Foods should really stay close to their roots.

Eat small, balanced meals throughout the day. This helps keep you from having peaks and slumps. You know that little lift you get form a candy bar, and the subsequent slump when the high wore off? You want to avoid that. You want to keep your energy even all day. Eating frequent small meals also helps you maintain a higher metabolism through the day, it keeps you from getting ravenous so that you will eat anything, and it will help your stomach adjust to smaller volume, so you will feel full on fewer calories. The key words her are small and balanced.

There is also one big secret all those diet gurus keep, and they try to hide it in their complicated philosophies. I'll tell you what it is in the next post.

The Big Seven: An overview

In my last post, I talked about the Big Seven: Skin, hair, nails, smile, brows, posture, and fitness. Why are these important? There are two reasons. The first is, these things are semi-permanent. Therefore, once you get them set up, you don't have to do a lot to them on a day-to-day basis. For example, once you have a good haircut and a color you like, you will not have to spend time each day with a blow drier or curling iron. The other reason is, the Big Seven dictate your look. They are your foundation. If you don't have these down pat, then no amount of makeup, hair products, clothes, crash dieting, or even plastic surgery is going to make you look good.

I'll get into all this is more depth later, but here are the basics of what the Big Seven is all about:

Skin: If you have good skin, you have it made! Cosmetics companies make bazillions of dollars by selling us stuff that is supposed to improve our skin. Here is what they do not want you to know: Your skin is the biggest organ on your body. As such, it reflects how healthy you are. By taking care of your health through sleep, diet, and exercise, you can greatly improve the look and texture of your skin. You will still need some products to help care for your skin, but maybe not as many as you think.

Hair: Healthy hair is as important as healthy skin. Since your hair is also part of your body, it also reflects your over all health. You will need to do two things to your hair: 1) get a good, low-maintenance cut and 2) keep your hair properly conditioned. Changing your color or texture (with a perm or chemical relaxer) are optional. Other than that, if you take care of your health, you hair will pretty much take care of itself. Remember, you can't throw money at a problem like dry, brittle hair and expect the result to be the same as if your hair grows healthy from the root.

Nails: Unlike hair and skin, you really can buy a quick fix for your nails. If, like mine, your nails are beyond horrible, then take heart. You can throw a small amount of money at them and get a good result, so long as you know what to ask for at the salon. I suggest that you start by improving your diet first, and if this does not get you the results you want, head out to the salon.

Smile: First of all, do it more often! Find reasons to smile, and to laugh. Uptight humorless people are rarely sexy. You want your teeth to be white and pretty, regardless of whether they are crooked or straight. There are ways to make a big impact here without breaking your piggy bank or making your dentist rich(er). You want to have nice fresh breath. And you want your lips to be soft and smooth, not chapped and dry.

Brows: Your eyebrows make a huge difference in how your face looks. This is the second-fastest and second-cheapest thing you can do for yourself. At $5-$10 plus a tip, there is no less expensive salon treatment. It takes only about 10 minutes. If you have money for only one thing, start with your brows. You can always keep your hair in a pony tail until you get a good cut, but your brows are right there in the middle of your face! You just can't hide them.

Posture: This is my very favorite of the Big Seven, because it is both instant and free! Go into your bathroom or bedroom, right now. Get naked or at least down to your bra and panties. Look carefully at yourself in the mirror. Now, draw yourself up as tall as you can. Lift your chest. Roll your shoulders back and down. Lift your chin so that you are looking down your nose a little bit at your reflection. Suck your tummy in--not so hard you can't breathe, just to a comfortable degree. Did you see those 10 pounds disappear? No? Relax your spine and let yourself collapse forward again. Do this a few times until you can see and feel the difference in your posture.

If your mom was always telling you to stand up straight, she was right. Good posture makes you look taller and thinner, it makes you seem more confident, and it makes your clothes hang better. In short, good posture is sexy.

Fitness: If you want to look hot, you need to be in shape. Not to say you should look like a fitness model or a body builder (I tried that look once and it is way too time-consuming to maintain) but you should be toned and fit. Your muscles should have some tension to them, not just hang from your skeleton. Your abs and back should support good posture. You want to move like you are confident in your skin. More important, you want to have fun doing things. It's hard to get out and enjoy life when you get wheezy just going up a flight of stairs.

So there's you Big Seven overview. In the future, I'll be telling you more about how to achieve each of your big seven goals. Until then, remember to stand up straight!

The Big Seven

The interesting thing about stripping as a profession (as it pertains to looks, anyway) is that you have to look fantasy-good, in person, for 8 hours at time--and the look has to be extremely low-maintenance. Think of dancing on a stage with extremely hot lighting, then walking off the stage and into an audience who wants you to look like a close-up fantasy. Heavy makeup and elaborate hair styles are not an option. We can't hide inside flattering clothes and control-top panty hose.

There are seven basic things that are the foundation for a lasting sexy look. These are the things that won't melt in the spotlight or go flat by the end of the day. Once you have these seven things under control, you will pretty much be able to roll out of bed, slam a cup of coffee, and be ready to face the day. You will look as good in your jeans and boots as in an evening gown.

These are the "Big Seven:"

• Skin
• Hair
• Nails (Manicure and Pedicure)
• Smile
• Eyebrows
• Fitness
• Posture
  

Now, the good news is, once you have a handle on these things, you will look polished and attractive wherever you go. You won't need much else to maintain your look. None of these things are extremely difficult to attain or to maintain, and they are not expensive. In fact, for less than $100, you can get on the right track.

A nice side effect of this is, as you endeavor to improve your look, your health will benefit, too.

If there is a down side, it is this: You will have to put some time and effort into yourself every day. It won't be a lot, but it will be continuous. I spend typically half an hour to an hour a day on personal care, a couple hours a month at the nail and hair salon, and about an hour a day exercising (or at least I should). You will just have to consider this your "me" time. If you can't convince yourself that you deserve it, then consider it a bonus for your marriage, relationship, or career. In every profession, attractive people have an easier time. And, even though you know your husband or partner loves you just the way you are, he or she will appreciate that you are now taking better care of yourself, and will likely show it in the nicest ways (*wink)!

What is Sexy?

Everybody knows that strippers are supposed to be sexy. It's in the job description. But what exactly is sexy?

We see lots and lots of sexual images all around us. Many of them include skeletal models who are so close to naked we can actually see their skeletons. Is that supposed to be sexy? What about the big obviously-fake looking boobs on Barbie-shaped actresses? Or the skinny 12-year-old-boy look? How about the big fascination we see with "barely legals"? And what's up with that whole "Drunk girls gone wild" thing? Does anybody find ANY of this remotely sexy?

Well, apparently, somebody does. As my first husband so aptly put it, "Whatever you can think of, somebody has made some porn about it." In other words, the idea of what is sexy (or porn-worthy) varies widely from person to person, and can include almost anything.

I discovered this when I went back to work suddenly when my son was three. With limited time and money, I bought some Cover Girl cosmetics, dabbed a little polish on my nails, and presented my frumpy, overweight self for an interview. I don't think I even had a decent haircut at the time. Fortunately, the manager where I applied had a philosophy that, if a girl made money, then the customers were interested in her; if she didn't make money, then she would quit dancing and find another job. Her sink-or-swim management style had its drawbacks, but it did give me a toe in the door. And guess what? To my surprise, some people actually liked my overweight, frumpy self. I discovered that "curvy" and "healthy" are not actually insults, in the right context. They liked my curves and my softness and my guts for getting out there on the sales floor in spite of not being perfect. They also liked it that I didn't look like their daughters.

So my point here is, sexy is not about how much skin you can show or how slutty you can act. It's not about being skinny or having fake boobs or even really about being beautiful (which is entirely subjective anyway). I'm not going to lie to you: Ugly, obese, frumpy, and run-down are not hot. No amount of loving yourself is going to cancel out 200 pounds of excess body fat. There is nothing virtuous about feeling you are "above" caring how you look. Looks are important. But--and this is important, so listen up--looks are only one aspect of sexiness. Plain is as plain does. Sexy women have courage. They have passion. They love life and all that's in it.

Let's get out there and have some fun!