What is Sexy?

Everybody knows that strippers are supposed to be sexy. It's in the job description. But what exactly is sexy?

We see lots and lots of sexual images all around us. Many of them include skeletal models who are so close to naked we can actually see their skeletons. Is that supposed to be sexy? What about the big obviously-fake looking boobs on Barbie-shaped actresses? Or the skinny 12-year-old-boy look? How about the big fascination we see with "barely legals"? And what's up with that whole "Drunk girls gone wild" thing? Does anybody find ANY of this remotely sexy?

Well, apparently, somebody does. As my first husband so aptly put it, "Whatever you can think of, somebody has made some porn about it." In other words, the idea of what is sexy (or porn-worthy) varies widely from person to person, and can include almost anything.

I discovered this when I went back to work suddenly when my son was three. With limited time and money, I bought some Cover Girl cosmetics, dabbed a little polish on my nails, and presented my frumpy, overweight self for an interview. I don't think I even had a decent haircut at the time. Fortunately, the manager where I applied had a philosophy that, if a girl made money, then the customers were interested in her; if she didn't make money, then she would quit dancing and find another job. Her sink-or-swim management style had its drawbacks, but it did give me a toe in the door. And guess what? To my surprise, some people actually liked my overweight, frumpy self. I discovered that "curvy" and "healthy" are not actually insults, in the right context. They liked my curves and my softness and my guts for getting out there on the sales floor in spite of not being perfect. They also liked it that I didn't look like their daughters.

So my point here is, sexy is not about how much skin you can show or how slutty you can act. It's not about being skinny or having fake boobs or even really about being beautiful (which is entirely subjective anyway). I'm not going to lie to you: Ugly, obese, frumpy, and run-down are not hot. No amount of loving yourself is going to cancel out 200 pounds of excess body fat. There is nothing virtuous about feeling you are "above" caring how you look. Looks are important. But--and this is important, so listen up--looks are only one aspect of sexiness. Plain is as plain does. Sexy women have courage. They have passion. They love life and all that's in it.

Let's get out there and have some fun!